Monday, June 09, 2008

hell (deep fried heaven part 2)

Please Lord, grant me the strength to walk away from my deep fryer.

If I don't succeed in this endeavor please at least give me the strength to perhaps gift it to someone or put it out on a very lengthy visit to another kitchen.

Please Lord, there isn't much time.

Like, seriously, my brain is infected with the greasey goo. As the oil's carbon chain profile of the fats alter with each use, a powerful mind numbing chemical is released. It must be, I can feel the change. One that destroys your ability to reason.
You briefly ponder the question: can't I just fry everything? And the immediate response is OF COURSE!
That right there is trouble.

Really, I have to step away from the fryer. This time for sure. I had discovered beer batter and once that ball starts rolling there's no stopping it. With home brew fermenting and being enjoyed, and multiple flours about the place it is easy to get into gut busting, artery plugging, button popping, acne inducing, kitchens gonna be smelly for three days kind of trouble. Also, the children might start expecting all of their veggies to be fried.
And like, damn, that sure sucks.

Just when I thought I could step away on my own, I reasoned that tacos would be the appropriate fishy finish for the oil and then I could quit because I'd have to. Too smelly. I also justified the cholesterol intake by using my new 3-2-1 system of keeping in shape. It goes something like 3 people powered by 2 legs on 1 wheeled vehicle. I figured if I could haul the kids across town to the Thursday BFM market by pedal power for the fish, then I could eat about anything that night.

However this ain't just anything. It's eclectic, but delish, deep fried fish. Beer battered black rock fish topped with spicey kraut, goat cheddar and a few pickled jalapeƱos on a corn tortilla.
Deep fried bliss.
But hell.
Straight up addictive.

Please...........someone. Have mercy on my plugged artery soul.
Come take my deep fryer over to your house.

If you want more posts...........please save me!


cookiecrumb said...

Hey, wait! Are those my pickled jalapenos?
No. They're not. Darn.
Oh, or maybe they are.
That's eatin', man.

Monkey Wrangler said...

Cookie: Busted I am! Those are yours!

Like damn you are eagle eyed aren't you?

cookiecrumb said...


K & S said...

I'm coming over...bringing lots of beer too :)

Aaron said...

I think I know someone who lives in a tree-house that would probably take it off your hands...
She did the same for a dear friend addicted to his ice cream machine, so perhaps she'd do the same for you.

Rev. Biggles said...

Hmmm, no. Not until you do fried chicken, not yet. You're far, far way from walking away pally boy.

I'll sit here and wait.


Anonymous said...

Fried chicken! How about some fried pickles! Or deep fried bacon ice cream :)

Rev. Biggles said...

Fried pickle slices? Did you see the same show on the travel channel that I did? Yeah, fried pickles baby! With a beer batter first, then roll in spicy flour, deep fry at 350 for maybe 1.5 minutes.

Comon Wrangler, COOK ME SOME CHICKEN NOW !!!

Anita said...

this is precisely why I never have bought a deep fryer.

but if you need a fried-chicken recipe... I can help:

Monkey Wrangler said...

Cookie: Ooooooooh!

Kat: Considering how long the flight is, right about now maybe I should think about arranging a pick-up for you and Satoshi.

Aaron: I'll keep our arboreal dwelling friend in mind. Thanks for the tip!

Biggles: How do you do fried chicken? Big-ass cast iron pot over the largest flame in the house?

Yo: Do you dip the fried pickles in the bacon ice cream? (Copious quantities of beer implied here)

Biggs: Looks like you need to talk to anonymous about the pickle recipe details but I'll consider making them someday. And........I will hang my head in defeat to your logic and say that I'll attempt chicken. At your house where I can leave the fryer, along with a little lump of bacon.

Monkey Wrangler said...

Anita: AHHHH!!!!! (your comment snuck in there while I was writing the others, you sneaky-sneak!)

I'll check out the recipe and if Biggles is willing have myself a field trip to try it!

Zoomie said...

We do want more posts but we can't save you - we have our own issues! :-)

Rev. Biggles said...

YEAH !!! I'm ready.